Return of Reckoning

Rich man and a poor man are friends. They have dinner in the week just before Christmas, and they both discuss what they bought their beautiful wives for the holiday. Rich man tells the poor man "I got my wife a Mercedes and a diamond ring." Poor man asks "Why did you get her both?" Rich man answers "If she doesn't like the ring she can drive the Mercedes to return it and still be happy. What did you get for your wife?" Poor man tells him "I got her a pair of slippers and a dildo."
"A pair of slippers and a dildo? Why those two?" the rich man asks. Poor man: "If she doesn't like the slippers she can go **** herself."

*cringe*

giggly giggly

Dwarven joke

An Elf is taking a piss in the privy of the local tavern when a drunken Dwarf comes desperately rushing in. As he start to piss he says to the elf 'well, i only just made it'. To which the elf replies 'can you make me one'.